shame pizza

So I think I've finally hit my wall...

I know myself to be codependent and I still am. Today I found myself wandering alone through the streets looking for something to do. I went and got my eye lashes done then I decided I was hungry. Usually I don't have too much of an issue eating alone but for some reason when I walked into Mr. Pizza I felt peoples eyes burning holes through my sweater. The girl asked me for here or to go and I nervously said to go... knowing I didn't want to walk back to my apartment and eat. So I sat there and people stared at me while they ate and I grabbed my pizza and darted off into the streets. I thought well I'll park it at a park and eat then walk to Lotte Super to do some grocery shopping. Then my anxiety of being alone kicked in and I started eating in an alley. YES I repeat an alley. Once I saw people starting to walk I quickly shoved the pizza in my mouth and kept walking. 

Needless to say this wasn't the proudest moment in my life. 

I quickly ditched the pizza box in a garbage can and went to Super Lotte. I got my stuff and came home. Once I got home I realized what my morning consisted of... I felt pitiful. 

Now I'm back at my place feeling ... well lonely. I am a creature of social interactions. Sure I can be an antisocial Sally but for the most part being with other warm bodies makes me feel good. As I kakao'd my friend as she was falling asleep, the sadness followed. I miss my friends, my family, and my animals. I know this will soon pass and being alone will probably do me some good in learning how to become more independent. 

But today I feel like I failed. 

Time to pick myself up and wipe the shame off my shoulders because this is a learning experience. Nothing is ever perfect so I need to make the most out of this and c'est la vie right? 

Alright time to get back out there & make the most of this gorgeous Saturday 

xoxo

Greene