I've messed up.

In Korea I have had to face some personal demons. 

Since moving to Korea in 2013 I have faced a lot of mental break downs and times of crippling depression. 

As my hands are shaking typing this now I have come to the complete conclusion that 

I've fucked up. 

As human beings we do things we aren't always proud of what we've done and blaming it solely on my depression isn't fair to anyone and not even myself.

I recently started listening to an audio book called You are a Badass by Jen Sincero. 

It's the typical self help book with some pretty basic concepts but listening to this has kind of put me into an epiphany. 

Even though I am unhappy with myself and dare I say jealous of others 

I shouldn't shut them out 

Coping with my depression is hard and it's been a struggle not only for myself but my family seeing it from a far and Kyu dealing with it in Korea. 

To be blatantly honest I'm not happy where I am in my life. 

simple fact.

I despise living in Korea. I despise working here even more.  

On one hand I feel like I'm in no position to complain about living here or the opportunities living here has given me, but the truth of the matter is everyday 

I dream of the day I can get on the airplane with Kyu and let this chapter in my life come to an end. 

At one point in the book (I haven't finished it yet) She talks about letting go of depression and anxiety by forgiving your past and letting the future happen the way it's intended to. 

This hit a cord deep within me. Because of my jealousy I've completely ignored some people and just would forget to reply or simply felt so guilty I had no idea what to say. 

Being abroad is like a double ended sword. 

Side A: 

I love being abroad because I can travel and work a mediocre job and just coast and make money.

Side B: 

Compare to all your successful friends back home with real jobs and families and sink into a depression induced coma.

Maybe it's just me who feels this way. 

To scroll down your new feed seeing your friends getting married, having children, advancing in their field, etc. 

Sometimes I find it hard not to compare myself to others. 

Maybe I guess what I'm saying is that I've held on too much to the comparisons I've made against my self and others. 

It's time to apologize for my short comings and bull headedness.

To those I've hurt. 

I'm sorry.  

I swear I'm a decent human being. (Most of the time) 

Just like everyone out there wrapped up in work, side gigs, and life, 

I've become victim of my own jealousy and rage. 

Time to make amends.

💜💜💜💜

Helloooooooooo (update)

Hiiiiiieeeeeee

So obviously I'm not consistent.... 

well I'm never really consistent about posting.  

I come on here randomly and try to make my thoughts come together in a cohesive manner for the sake of well staying on track. 

As I sit in bed with my land lord in my bathroom I decided it'd be a perfect time to just write a little something....

I'm literally in my little black natori gown and robe 

listening to them bicker about my toilet and she continues to pick up random things off of my floor. 

She complained about the smell in my kitchen 

as the night before I made bomb ass mushroom chicken.

 I guess the after math does smell a bit off putting 

oh well...

So life back in Korea has been a whirl wind for the best and worst. 

Mainly the worst over the past 6 weeks I furiously scrambled to get my shit together and get ready for open class. 

If you are unfamiliar with "open class" it's when you put on a memorized performance for their parents to show them their kids are smart and talented. When in fact everything is basically memorized you've done 0 curriculum work but hey look at them sing and dance!

I legit had a panic attack in front of my supervisor about 2 weeks ago today. 

f u c k i n g  a w e s o m e

it's moments like this where I'd rather shrivel up into dust and disappear

(thumbs up)

(deep breath)

Now that it's all over I can breath again *kinda* 

Kyu and I have officially started his immigration paper work as well! 

Which was another huge stress point for me. But all in all we got it done and *SOON* I'll be writing and doing a video about our immigration journey ! 

Enough about me and my dismal existence  💨

Tell me something that you accomplished in the month of May!!!

No matter big or small an accomplishment is progress

Here I'll go first ...

GETTING THE PAPER WORK SUBMITTED TO THE EMBASSY

(legit I cried tears of joy)

I'm excited tomorrow is June 1st and the beginning of a new month and new goals and opportunities! 

Goal 1:

Smile more

Now you go!

......

xoxo

KoKo

Here's a picture of Eddie Huang. 

Famous chef and author of Fresh off the boat. 

Eddie Huang + Fidget spinnerz = greatness

That's all. 

week 17

hey hey hey

week 17 blasted by!

i cant believe that pretty soon it'll be half a year until i go home! i cannot wait.

i feel like it's so close... yet so far!

humpf!

anyways here my new video and the unveiling of my new do!!

xoxo

julie

W e E k 1 6

Hey everyone!!

This week went by really fast which I'm really happy about! Get to knock off another week off the year and 5 weeks until summer vacation!!!

Woo hoo!! 

Are any of y'all a fan of the Bachelorette??

If so who are your top 3 this season!! 

xoxo

Julie Greene

Episode 7

Episode 7 y'all

Goal met! Video under 5 minutes!!!

woo hoo!

I feel like I'm getting better at this!

Thanks to everyone who continues to support me while I'm doing this silly thing! :D

xoxo

Julie

Episode 5!!!!

ITS FINALLY APRIL Y'ALL

check out my week 5 vid.

I didn't start the whole 30 this week because I got attacked by my sinuses...

so next week seems more promising! (haaazzaaaaa)

Shout outs in this video were a little heavy but necessary haha 

Again thanks for watching and keeping up with me being a giant mess... haha

Peace out Napoleon!

xoxo

Julie's Final 52 | Episode 3

Julie's Final 52 | Episode 3

Hey y'all!

I uploaded the video yesterday but

 my Thursday turned into a giant shit storm 

so I didn't have time to write anything. So here it is!! 

Thanks for watching!

xoxo 

Julie

Julie's Final 52 | Episode 1

Julie's Final 52 | Episode 1

Hey y'all! 

I am now trying once again to start a video journal. All of my other videos I did one and then determined I sounded like a total douche lord and just gave up.

butttt

I'm not giving up this time! I still sound and look like a giant weirdo but I want to try and vocalize my thoughts and feelings about living in Korea the past 3 years.

So here we go:

Julie's Final 52:

Episode 1

Julie's Final 52

Pardon the awkwardness...

I'm still getting used to seeing myself talk. hahaha

xoxo

Julie

T-52 weeks :)